She is the one person in this whole sport of roller derby that the very instant you looked at her, you felt like you'd known her since you were a fetus. She looked just like your best friend from fifth grade, or something she did reminded you of all the things you ever liked in anyone else.
She is the first person you'd call if you ever need to get bailed out of jail. (Or in my case, ever need to have an entire legal crusade started in your name.)
She's the one who will be holding back your hair when you puke after drinking too much, and she won't let anyone take your picture while doing it.
She'll ride in the ambulance with you when you lose a tooth, break your wrist, or tear your ACL.She'll make you laugh the whole way to the hospital, try to steal your pain medication (lovingly), and sneak your favorite food and a beer into recovery.
She'll make her actual husband understand that if he loves her, he's gonna have to put up with you, too, no matter how many times you come over forcing him to revisit all the derby-related shows on his Tivo that you missed.
She may not even be your best friend in the league or the sport, but she'd be the one you know will be the first one to back you up, even if you're dead wrong. She'll just tell you you've lost your fucking mind later in private, possibly kick your ass a little bit, and then be the only one who could ever talk your hotheaded ass into some reason.
Sent to me by Miss Brody Slaughter House
So much love,
Pleather
